"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing" So said King David, the man after God's own heart.
Now David wasn't perfect: In fact the story behind this statement resulted from David's pridefully counting how many fighting men he had, an act which cost 70,000 men their lives at the hand of the Angel of the Lord (II Samuel 24).
But ever since my Bible college days, that sentiment has come back to me numerous times, and has played a significant role in my spiritual life:
"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing"
Here I am again, walking this path which the Lord set before me, a path which now leads to Jerusalem, His city, and a ministry to His people. Comfort, comfort ye, my people says your God. Wow. What a privilege.
I've had people tell me how lucky I am, how blessed, how they wish they were me, how I am living their dream. All of which may be true (except the luck part...I don't believe in luck or karma for that matter), but what they don't see is the cost I am paying to be obedient and walk this road.
What could be better than walking in the center of the Lord's will for me? Absolutely nothing. But as David said, I will not offer to the Lord something which costs me nothing. And this offering is particularly costly. Because while I move to Jerusalem for the next two years, I have a 15-year-old daughter, Megan, who is staying in Arizona with her dad during the school year, and will spend summers with me.
“God knows what it feels like when a sacrifice involves your child. The greatest one in all of human history involved the death of, and separation from HIS precious son, my Savior Yeshua - the very JewishJesus of Nazareth.”
"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing"
So while Megan attends school in Arizona, I will be living in Jerusalem. My volunteer visa is for 27 months. In 27 months, Megan will be starting her senior year of high school. She can spend summers with me there, but only if I can afford to fly her over. My volunteer stipend is approximately $500 a month, so even a plane ticket for her will depend on financial support.
Even the money for my own flight will depend on a moving of the Holy Spirit opening hearts and wallets... As I write this, my fundraiser is still at $0 - I truly am living in daily reliance on the Lord to provide what I need when I need it, so I guess today is not the day for me to buy my airline tickets...
"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing"
Megan gets it. She has shown a level of spiritual maturity the past few months that far surpasses my own. Her unit on World War II last year included a guest speaker. A holocaust survivor. Megan was profoundly touched by his story, which the Lord used to awaken in her a love for Israel and a great compassion and burden for the Jewish people. She understood - even before I did - this is HER sacrifice to the Lord, too. She is sacrificing the continual, regular, recurring physical presence of her mom in her life.
We've already worked out a compromise: I'll get up at 4 a.m. some mornings to video-chat and help her with homework and talk about her day, and always be available by phone or text message.
But me photo-bombing her selfie-sessions; those spontaneous "rants" when she's upset or when something fantastic happened at school; blasting our favorite song in the car; "squad" sleepovers and tie-dye parties; or our bedtime ritual of anointing and prayer followed by snuggling up with an episode of PBS's Wishbone ... those will all be gone.
"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing"
My plans were always for Megan to be with me. Even last summer's fiasco in Colorado was my failed attempt to - with her dad's blessing - establish a "fresh start" for Megan and me, close to my oldest son who attends college in Denver.
When I first realized months and months ago that the doors which the Lord were opening might involve something else for Megan, I didn't take it lightly. I have spent hours - literally - on my face before the Lord. I have fasted, prayed, cried buckets of tears, agonized. Oftentimes, I brush her hair from her cheek as she sleeps ... and cry as I pray for my beautiful girl. My mother-heart breaks.
And yet, here I am. Resolutely moving forward. Packing, getting affairs in order, making as many memories with Megan as I can. Yes, there are days I am tempted. Those fleeting thoughts that there must be an alternative. Maybe just put this off a couple of years...
"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing"
But this is the time for me to be in Israel. Less than a year ago, in Monument, Colorado, I told the Lord I wanted Him to lead me into my purpose, and clearly stated wherever he led I would follow, whatever He told me to do I would do. This is my exercise in obedience.
Ultimately, if I put Megan's physical presence with me as a higher priority than being obedient to what the Lord is clearly putting before me, I would have made her an idol. I won't do that to her or to myself. For eight months I have daily anointed myself with Queen Esther oil and told the Lord I belong to Him, a living sacrifice purchased with the precious blood of his son, Yeshua, for such a time as this. His sacrifice for me cost him EVERYTHING.
Not everyone will understand the enormity of this separation from my daughter. After all, it's not like she's dying or anything. All I can say is for the past 26 years, I have been a wife and full time mother to four amazing children. That is who I am. At least up until now.
Because of a divorce I didn't choose, the wife part is no more... and with my move to Jerusalem, my four kids ALL will be an ocean away. For me, being a mom has been my greatest joy and blessing, and this is personally a very costly sacrifice.
"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing"
I know the Lord doesn't make mistakes and as this season ends another begins, all in His timing. I am not sure there's a real "point" to this article...it just started out as a journal entry between me and the Lord. But I think there is more He wants to do with it. Exactly what, I have no idea.
But through writing all this out, one truth stands out amongst all the clutter and emotion: God knows what it feels like when a sacrifice involves your child. The greatest one in all of human history involved the death of, and separation from HIS precious son, my savior Yeshua - the very Jewish Jesus of Nazareth.
And so we're back to the idea of sacrifice to atone for sin. King David's story in II Samuel 24 involved the purchase of a threshing floor, where God told him to offer a sacrifice to stop the judgment/plague that was killing his men. When David approached the owner of the property, he offered to give it to the king for free, along with the oxen for the sacrifice, and even the wood for the fire.
But David refused, saying that he would not offer something to the Lord that hadn't personally cost him something...
"I will not offer to the Lord that which cost me nothing"
Now Paul Harvey-style, I would like to share a little "Rest of the Story" nugget which I recently learned. That threshing floor which King David purchased as an offering to the Lord is the same location where David's son, Solomon, eventually built the First Temple for the Lord.
And that costly piece of real estate still stands in Jerusalem today as the location we refer to as the Temple Mount. It was also where Abraham offered his son, Isaac, in obedience to the Lord way back in Genesis 22.
How perfect that the story which I used to reaffirm my commitment to following the Lord regardless of the cost TO ME would end up pointing back at the loving sacrifice He first made FOR ME. And for you.
He sees, He knows, He doesn't make mistakes. And He loves us both. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather trust my future and a good outcome to than my Lord. I'll be okay and so will Megan. Just pray for us, won't you?
And now you know the rest of the story...
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